Frustrations..

This is for real.

I'm thinking they should probably take all the "heretical" bibles that they're planning on burning and give them to pastors who are dying in China and North Korea. They probably won't care that they weren't written by people that lived about 500 years ago that liked to add "th" to the end of every word.

I try to stay somewhat quiet about topics like that because there are several people that I love and care about that have similar views- not this elevated, however. I know that i'll probably be ruffling some of those feathers, but it's just wrong to stay silent. This is just over the top. And the crazy thing is these aren't the only people like this out there. I just don't even understand how your brain can work this way.

They believe that the only Bible that you can read and get saved from if you speak English is the King James. What about people from other countries? Does Jesus have different rules on how people get saved depending on what language you speak. I respect the translation for what it is...very well translated, very poetic, and beautiful. But it ends there.

And the funny thing to me is that in their doctrinal statement they have the KJV only segment before than any other thing. It's listed about "We Believe Jesus Is God."

I'll end my tirade there for now.

And begin another one...
I mentioned it yesterday, but 140 characters just doesn't cut it.

I see all types of "religious" people all week long at my job. I've been humbled and awed by some incredible people who I had completely misjudged in my brain before I had even talked to them. And then there are the ones who I would love to hit in the face repeatedly. I had a husband and wife come in yesterday and something about them struck me as odd right away so I was keeping track of them as they shopped. Pretty soon I noticed that the lady was walking with her head down behind her husband carrying everything for him, and he was visibly agitated. He started muttering to her under his breath, escalated to talking to her harshly, and eventually swore at her and called her some stuff i'll spare people. If I hadn't been alone in the store I would have intervened at that point. And the kicker: when they checked out, he handed me a Pastor's discount card. Absolutely shell-shocked.

What do you say at that point?
Do you say anything?
Or do you just glare.
I ended up just glaring because I know my mouth tends to get away from me,
and I was representing my store.
But if I wasn't...
I probably would've gotten punched by a Pastor.

But here's the thing:
If he's like that in public, what's he like in private?
And even worse than that- what in the world does he preach?
Is he planning a book burning with the hicks down in NC?

All of that makes me so very happy for a church with a Pastor that is relevant,
loves the Lord, and his family.
And it makes me even happier for a husband that does as well.
Those are my two happy thoughts mangled in with some frustrated ones. :)

Confusion Of Seasons.

Yesterday it was fall-today it was winter.
Tomorrow it'll be back to fall.
I do have to say- it was a beautiful day.
My kitten and I pranced around like idiots in the snow this morning before I went to work.
We must have looked ridiculous, but we completely had fun.
The only down fall to this weather is for some strange reason, our heat isn't working.
So right now we're under blankets with very red noses waiting for the heating guy.
Shoot up a prayer for us that we have heat soon!!


I just posted a recipe for a super yummy coffee cake.
People have been asking for my recipes so I'll post them when I actually use a recipe.
I'm notorious for throwing things in a pan and hoping they turn out well.
Most of the time they do, but I have had some hysterical disasters.
Like the time I misread my chicken scratch and threw in a cup of oil instead of a tbsp. into a cake.
I still have never got that cake pan completely ungreased.
It's definitely seasoned forever! :)
But to me cooking is therapeutic.
Does God give the gift of culinary?
I sure hope that was one of the unmentioned gifts of the spirit.


My Hubby bought we super cute daisies on Thursday.
It's amazing how one vase full of flowers brighten up my whole house!

I've been praying lately that God would make us part of the bigger picture.

Or help us to realize our part.

We can donate to awesome organizations and support children in third-world countries, but how many times do we really put ourselves into that picture? 

To see ourselves as more than just a drop in the ocean of solving injustice.

I want to do more.

I just don't know what yet.

Instead of being involved a tiny bit in so many different things i'm praying to find that one thing that i'm passionate about the most and just sell out to that.

It's a difficult soul search for me.

Because I'm scared of the answer and where that might lead.

It's a good fear though.

Pray with me, ok?

I don't think there's anyone that would say they don't want to be a part of something bigger.

I'm just slightly overwhelmed by it all right now.

But it's a worthwhile search.

To be an advocate for someone who doesn't have a voice.

Just as Jesus is for us before His Father.

Those are my random thoughts for this cold cold weekend.

 

 

Banana Chocolate Chip Coffee Cake

Banana Chocolate Chip Coffee Cake

2/3 c. Brown Sugar

1/2 c. Chopped Walnuts

1 tbsp. Cinnamon

1 1/2 c. All-Purpose Flour

3/4 tsp. Baking Soda

3/4 tsp. Baking Powder

3/4 c. White Sugar

1 Stick Butter

1 Lg. Egg

3 Lg. Mashed Bananas

3 tbsp. Vanilla Soy Milk

1 tsp. Vanilla

Stir chocolate chips, brown sugar, walnuts, and cinnamon in a small bowl- set aside for the streusel topping. Sift together flour, baking soda and powder in a medium bowl. In electric mixer cream sugar, butter, egg, and vanilla. Once smooth, add in mashed bananas and soymilk. Beat in dry flour mix until well combined.

Pour half of the batter (about two cups)  into an 8 inch circle pan. Sprinkle half of your streusel mixture onto the batter. Pour remaining batter on streusel and top off with the rest of your streusel mix. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes or until dough is solid.

Enjoy!!!! :)

Fall and other such rambles.

I love fall.
The chilly mornings, the caramel spiced ciders, the sweaters...
But most of all- the apples.
There's nothing better than picking your own apples and baking up a storm.
I've been going through all my old recipes finding which ones i'm going to use this year.
I don't know what it is about fall that just makes me want to bake.
Maybe it's the fact that my little house isnt 90 degrees by the time i'm done like in the summer.
Maybe we just crave comfort food more.
Either way- it's a beautiful thing.

I haven't gotten to see my hubby much this semester.
It's quite sad.
I knew it was going to be like this until December, but I find myself missing how we used to have every night together when we first got married.
There was something special about knowing that he was going to be there to spend the night with.
Now we have the tired, hungry, worn out moments together.
I guess that is more like reality.
I miss my little bubble.
I know it's only until December, but it's starting to wear on me.

A lot of things are still up in the air for us.
It's hard wait for things to figure themselves out.
I'm a problem solver.
It's what I do.
I make my mind up and then I make it happen.
It's hard to give up that control.
Necessary.
But not easy.
I'm trying to take the laid back approach and wait out things.
That's just not me.
I'm far too neurotic for that.

At work we're getting ready for another Christmas season.
I really do struggle with Retail Christmas.
We all struggle with materialism on some level, but it seems like it gets especially bad for the next couple of months.
And people get angry.
Have you ever noticed that?
There's more anger and a lot more impatience.
Do me a favor- when you're shopping for the next couple of months- be nice to the people who are working in the stores.
It makes it so much better.
My fuse tends to get shorter every Christmas.
I'm praying for a long fuse this year.
I'm also trying to figure out what is the right aproach to have and not completely sell out.
It's a tough compromise for me.
I go through phases where I really struggle with a lot of the stuff that we sell, and then I become complacent and just don't think about it.
It's sad, really.

I'm snuggled up to my cat and a book is calling my name...
Let me know who wants some apple butter while I'm off being domestic for a couple of days! :)

As of this week I am an Auntie seven times over!
Harmony Grace Trop decided to come into this world a little early- to everyone's delight!
I'm flying home in about a month to see her.
It's great having nieces and nephews because I can spoil them rotten when I'm home and still go back to a quiet house with just me and my hubby!
Maybe someday that will change- but for now we're completely content to hang out with just our kitties.

Speaking of Hubby's: Mine is killing people in Halo 3 while I'm drinking my Yerba Matte and reading Ray Bradbury. I really do love how opposites attract. We have definitely learned a lot together. I'm teaching him how to cook, and he's teaching me all about cars. Somedays I really do hate cars...there. I said it.

This month of work is absolutely insane.
We have a remodel at the end of the month- plus we are still short one pretty much full time inventory person, so I've been running double-duty. At least it makes the day go by super fast.

Jess and I are seriously contemplating moving home to NY in the Spring...nothing is set in stone yet. Just a lot of thoughts and preplanning in case we decide it's something we want to pursue. It daunting and exciting at the same time. I love NY for the seasons, the people, the arts, pretty much everything, but it definitely is a change from what i've grown used to out here. An adventure is definitely needed. We've gotten into such a rut. Not that it's bad...it's just boring.
It definitey would be nice to set out and do something new while we don't have anything holding us down.

As for now- i'm pretty sure that's all that is new.
I read Donald Miller's new book: review will be coming soon.
It probably will contain at least one religious rant.
Consider yourself warned :)

Stockholm and other thoughts.

I bought Stockholm syndrome by Derek Webb....absolutely fantastic.
Probably not for the faint of heart.
I'll say that to cover myself.
For me it was definitely eye opening.
It's incredible to hear my thoughts put down into song by someone else.
It's an instant feeling of community.
Controversial community- but community nonetheless.

"We can talk and debate it till we're blue in the face
About the language and tradition that He's coming to save
Meanwhile we sit just like we don't give a sh*t
About fifty-thousand people who are dying today

Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?
Tell me, sister, what matters more to you?"

Blunt.
Perhaps too blunt.
But honest.
I've begun to crave honesty.
Real.
Legitimate.
Not necessarily censored.
It's not easy to hear.
And it's definitely not easy to say.

If most Christians voiced their concerns, thoughts, doubts, failures I think Christianity would be revolutionized. It's not that onlookers care if Christians sin and fail- it's the fact that we cover it up and pretend like we don't. People screw up. We're depraved. But we're depraved with a possibility of forgiveness. I think that's fantastic.

On a completely different note- Jess has another drill this weekend.
So i'm here wide awake at midnight.
The usual for when he's gone.
My brain just seems to snap into a weird gear when he's gone.
Maybe it's just because I have time to think.
Being alone once in a while really is good.
Not to mention I'm getting a head start on Christmas shopping. :)
Plus I'll have some quality time with Gong Fu and the new Donald Miller book.

I've been somewhat cryptic lately about some things coming up and i'll continue to be for a while, but Jess and I have decisions to make in the next couple months and prayer is definitely appreciated. Decisions are definitely hard for us to make because we get stuck so much in the rut of just day to day life, and I am definitely a creature of habit. At any rate- just keep us in your prayers.

I should probably attempt sleep so I'm not too dependent on caffeine for my mood tomorrow! :)

Attempting...

I've resolved that it's unhealthy to only blog explosively.
Too bad the rest of my life is boring when i'm not fired up about something! :)

But here's my attempt at a boring blog post:

On the work front it's starting to look like Christmas.
I've already been putting up fixtures for Christmas cards and getting the first boxes out.
Sometimes I really do feel like I market Jesus.
It's a daily struggle for me.
I've been trying so hard to focus just on the ministry aspects that I have with the company.

On the home front we're non-existent.
Jess is finishing up school this semester and has two jobs, and I have one full-time job and my job selling Premier. It's all going great. Just a little overwhelming when it comes to trying to find time to see my husband! We did manage a fun getaway to Chicago for our one-year. I can't believe it's been a year already! It honestly doesn't seem possible that it's been that long already.

On the church front we've been getting more involved- which is great.
I really do love our church.
It's kind of an oasis for me.
I deal with "Spiritual debate" all week at work- it's nice to come some place and just worship.

(One rant allowed tonight)
I witnessed sad reality today..
We went on a "homeless walk" today with Hope Ministries and it was legitimately conflicting.
If you've ever talked to me about this specific issue- I can be pretty hard hearted.
For me it's just so hard to imagine.
Not that i'm not blessed beyond measure, but because I tend to work my butt off.
I'm desperately conflicted when it comes to that type of ministry.
It's tough to find the balance for me.
I've never been held captive by the things these people are.
I don't understand that.
It's a complete mystery to me.
The logical side of me doesn't understand why they don't get a job and improve their life.
But the sympathetic-Jesus side of me understands that they're held captive by something that cripples their life- and until they're recovered through Christ there is no other reality.
Does that make sense?
It sounds like an enigma.

Jess and I are trying to make some pretty big decisions for the upcoming months.
Prayer is much much much appreciated.
Love to all!

My Blog Disappeared.

It's probably unhealthy to blog so little that your blog actually disappears.

I've tended to notice that I blog when i'm passionately upset about something- or honestly maybe when I just want to ruffle some feathers. I think I should get bonus points of some sort for admitting to that.

I'm in the drastic search to find something I love to do for a living. Clearly- where I am isn't it. It used to be. Maybe I'm just too sensitive- but there's something in you that hates getting yelled at by Christians all day because you look like you're "12" or dont agree with them; there's this gigantic religious debate going on in your head 24-7 because of the idiots you deal with on a full time basis. I should preface this by saying that these are not my co-workers or employees. They're the woman who swears at me because her Bible didn't imprinted in 10 minutes- they're the "fundamentals" that come in and tell me that i'm going to hell because I carry more than a certain translation that they are accustomed into believing. It seems like too many of us take the "End justifies the means" approach to our workplace. If we get a paycheck at the end of two- weeks it was worth it. Or in this case- if we see a child sponsored or have a meaningful conversation it was all worth it. But ya know what- it really really just isn't. What breaks my heart at least 10 times a day is when you present the opportunity for someone to think beyond themselves and their incredible materialism and love on someone less fortunate, they look at me like i'm a used car salesman just trying to sell them on something. I know this isn't everyone but in the company we have a statistic that tells that you that 299 people out of 300 are going to tell you "no" when it comes to changing someone else's life and that you shouldn't give up- but what happens if by the 189 person you are just too mentally destitute and broken hearted to hear one more person say no?

I realize that most of this makes absolutely no sense to most people- and that's fine.

I see too many people- too many Christians- that are intent on "raising hell" that they forget they are CHRISTians. They have to argue every little thing- and in doing so they lose the real meaning of being a Christ follower. They are the "bullhorn" guy who scares people into convictions rather than helping change lives for good.

Sorry- this has all bottled up for a long time.

I used to sing a song when I was little about This little light of mine.
It used the illusion of being a light in the dark.
I find that we surround ourselves with so many "lights" with the intent and purpose of making the other lights question whether they're even lights or if they're just those phony electrical candles that we lose the real meaning and purpose of being a light.
Does that make any sense to anyone?

We try to beat our fellow Christ followers down to make ourselves seem "brighter" or more dedicated that we lose the real meaning behind being a Christ follower. I know that I fail in my walk sometimes (quite often), but I just don't understand how people can be so far off the grid from what Christ intended.

I called someone a Pharisee once.
I truly meant it.
It broke my heart to know that they would be what someone else judged Jesus by.
It breaks my heart sometimes to know that i'm what someone will judge Jesus by.
But it also motivates me.
It motivates me to have a real honest faith and be upfront about my struggles.
People need to see Jesus lived out practically, emotionally, and confrontationally.
Not just theoretically- or by some random set of laws that have absolutely nothing to do with Jesus.

Sorry about all this brain puke.

I've theorized about writing a book called "Pissed off Christians: Leading people away from Jesus." I think i'm still to vehement to get very far and have it not all be a tirade. Plus I might have to clean up the title some...