My Blog Disappeared.

It's probably unhealthy to blog so little that your blog actually disappears.

I've tended to notice that I blog when i'm passionately upset about something- or honestly maybe when I just want to ruffle some feathers. I think I should get bonus points of some sort for admitting to that.

I'm in the drastic search to find something I love to do for a living. Clearly- where I am isn't it. It used to be. Maybe I'm just too sensitive- but there's something in you that hates getting yelled at by Christians all day because you look like you're "12" or dont agree with them; there's this gigantic religious debate going on in your head 24-7 because of the idiots you deal with on a full time basis. I should preface this by saying that these are not my co-workers or employees. They're the woman who swears at me because her Bible didn't imprinted in 10 minutes- they're the "fundamentals" that come in and tell me that i'm going to hell because I carry more than a certain translation that they are accustomed into believing. It seems like too many of us take the "End justifies the means" approach to our workplace. If we get a paycheck at the end of two- weeks it was worth it. Or in this case- if we see a child sponsored or have a meaningful conversation it was all worth it. But ya know what- it really really just isn't. What breaks my heart at least 10 times a day is when you present the opportunity for someone to think beyond themselves and their incredible materialism and love on someone less fortunate, they look at me like i'm a used car salesman just trying to sell them on something. I know this isn't everyone but in the company we have a statistic that tells that you that 299 people out of 300 are going to tell you "no" when it comes to changing someone else's life and that you shouldn't give up- but what happens if by the 189 person you are just too mentally destitute and broken hearted to hear one more person say no?

I realize that most of this makes absolutely no sense to most people- and that's fine.

I see too many people- too many Christians- that are intent on "raising hell" that they forget they are CHRISTians. They have to argue every little thing- and in doing so they lose the real meaning of being a Christ follower. They are the "bullhorn" guy who scares people into convictions rather than helping change lives for good.

Sorry- this has all bottled up for a long time.

I used to sing a song when I was little about This little light of mine.
It used the illusion of being a light in the dark.
I find that we surround ourselves with so many "lights" with the intent and purpose of making the other lights question whether they're even lights or if they're just those phony electrical candles that we lose the real meaning and purpose of being a light.
Does that make any sense to anyone?

We try to beat our fellow Christ followers down to make ourselves seem "brighter" or more dedicated that we lose the real meaning behind being a Christ follower. I know that I fail in my walk sometimes (quite often), but I just don't understand how people can be so far off the grid from what Christ intended.

I called someone a Pharisee once.
I truly meant it.
It broke my heart to know that they would be what someone else judged Jesus by.
It breaks my heart sometimes to know that i'm what someone will judge Jesus by.
But it also motivates me.
It motivates me to have a real honest faith and be upfront about my struggles.
People need to see Jesus lived out practically, emotionally, and confrontationally.
Not just theoretically- or by some random set of laws that have absolutely nothing to do with Jesus.

Sorry about all this brain puke.

I've theorized about writing a book called "Pissed off Christians: Leading people away from Jesus." I think i'm still to vehement to get very far and have it not all be a tirade. Plus I might have to clean up the title some...